Afraid that others may discover you don’t know what you are doing?

Ok so let’s see where to start.  I have this promotion. It is fantastic, I feel like a fraud.  I work and present, and nteract. I try to do it all.   I feel like anyday now they will figure out that I don’t know what I am doing and I will get fired. I feel like a fraud, I do more to appear that I am doing less.  How very ironic is that?  I present myself as confident and as though I am capable and that I can handle and excel at this position. The echo that is in my head all the time is that I can’t do this and they will find out.

Does this sound familiar?  Ever have days like this, hours like this, weeks like this?  This is real stuff.  You are not a fraud, you are real.  It is all of us some days, isn’t it?  We strive, we long, we create and try to be everything to every one and in the process we lose what is vital and most important.  

This is a raw post to write because it is so real for so many.  Which is why I think it is so important to address.  It needs to be there – the real- the ick- the lack of self-compassion that creates the goo that we impose on ourselves.  I practice self comapssion, time effeciency and do the things to get to the top. Sometimes we get caught up in life, we forget briefly.  we get lost in the doing, in the activity, in the day to day.  IIf you stop living with intention and stop the compassion and care and that negative voice creeps back in and starts whispering “you are a fraud” and if you let it, it will take over.  Can you catch it- being aware?  That is the key – learning the awareness and then making a choice to think a different thought, to treat yourself kindly, to show yourself the care you deserve.  Can we practice living with intention and self-care and self-compassion it becomes second nature and then we wonder how we ever didn’t treat ourselves the way we deserve?

How do you use your time?

Are you stuck on exploring, reading about and searching for my what will make you “successful"?  

Have you ever wanted MORE and set out to do more, be more and create more.  When you look back on your life later what will you think?  Will you be happy with the way you spent your time?  Will you regret not taking chances or will you think if only I had done this or that?  I hope not.  The time we are given is more valuable than all the money and jewels in the world.  Time is valuable yet we spend with abandon and not intent.  Time is the best gift that we are given.  

Learning to live with intent is one way of ensuring you are using and spending your time in a way that is meaningful to you and in the end isn’t that all that really matters?  That you are happy with, at peace with and content with the life choices you have made- big or small, isn’t that what is most meaningful?

Living with intent- taking time to set intentions on a regular basis, each morning taking the time to sit with yourself and pray or meditate, take some quiet to set what you want to achieve that day.  It may not be an activity or a work task it may be that you want to tune into your intuition more or you want to touch the life of everyone you come in contact with goodness  If you choose to do this and then evaluate in the evening how it went- I bet you will find more contentment and encouragement in every day.

Time- are you happy with how you spend your?  Do you live with intent?  I challenge you to try it.  You might like it.

Take care of yourself to0

It is Friday evening and I am sitting on the couch with my family.  I look across the couch and we are all holding at least one electronic devise and the TV is on.  There is something wrong with this picture.  We need to spend time connecting not to the internet or YouTube but to each other.

I am committing to a non-plugged in weekend starting after I post this short post.  I commit to self-care in the form of connecting with my family, spending on myself and being aware of being in every moment I can.  

What we sit and do on our electronics is of no value- really- tomorrow will we even really remember what we read on Facebook or Twitter.  Yes, they things have value and a place and time but not all of our time and not the highest of our values.

My top values that I have recently re-evaluated are family, spirituality and simplicity.  I want to make all choices in a manner that lines up with my values.  I encourage you to do the same.

Three easy tips for self-care when you have to caregive for others

Do you take care of others but neglect your own self-care?  Not sure how or where to get the self-care you need?  Three easy tips for self-care for those who care for others

Do you take care of other people?  Aging or sick parents, kids, husbands?  Feel like everyone asks of you and never gives and you never have time to yourself.  Feeling resentful, tired and frustrated? 

Self-care tip one

Breathe, stop and let your breath be your anchor.  When we are care taking we get really focused on our loved ones and how they are, what they need and we forget basics for ourselves.  Tip one reminds you to always come back to your breathe.  Inhale slowly and deeply to the count of five hold for a second or two and then exhale the count of five.  Repeat this for 3-5 minutes.  You take in fresh air and let out all the stale air that is not serving you.  You breathe in new energy that can help you feel lighter, more awake and more aware instead of reacting we can act in the pause of our moments. 

Self-care tip two

Live with intention.  Each day holds a new opportunity for all of us.  Start your day with a ritual for you.  Take few minutes to pray or meditate.  Focus and be aware of what you feel physically and mentally.  Soften your body and send loving kindness to the inner child that may be fearful or angry or just need you to acknowledge her.  Picture your inner child and what she would tell you she needs and honor that.  Let her know you hear her and you love her.  Accept every part of you, not just the ones that you like the best.

Self-care tip three

Remember why you are caretaking.  Maybe it is a sick parent or other relative or children or both.  Remember that it is an honor to get to spend this time with your loved one.  This is very real for me having dealt with taking care of a very sick parent within the last few years.  It helped when I was bone tired, angry, sad and any other of the 100’s of emotions that I went through on a daily basis to remind myself WHY.  I was honored because I got to spend the last few years of my father’s life with him.  I got to intentionally spend time knowing it was the end.  How many times do we not get to say good bye?  There were times during that experience that I wanted to run far away and hide but if I had then the rest of my live would have been spent with the knowledge that I gave away the time I had left with the man who gave me life.  It was an honor to spend that time with him and it helped me to remember that and feel it was something “I got to do” and not something “I had to do”… it makes a difference. 

Tips to improve relationships with others and yourself

Relationships-an emotional or other connection between people.   Connectedness or belonging - a state in which we feel wanted and accepted.  It is my belief that we all want and need these things.  We all want good, healthy relationships and that feeling of connectedness with others.  How many have had this thought…if so and so would just do this it would all be ok?  If people accepted me for who I was I would be happier/more satisfied with life etc.

Guess where this all starts?  Within you!  IF you do not accept yourself for who you are and what you are then other people will have a hard time accepting you.  So many of our core values or beliefs come from our family/friends/loved ones. We often simply accept what others tell us about the world, other people and ourselves.  We forget to stop and think about what we believe, what we think is important and who we are.

Can you define yourself?  Can you name some characteristics that describe you?   Work on this.  Define you…no one else can do this for you.   I find that this is always a “work in progress” with myself.  It changes based on my experiences and thoughts.  I am constantly defining myself and want you to do the same for yourself.

take away -  Work on your definition.

Almost Action Time

The talk
I have been going on about self-care and how important it is.  A majority of us spend plenty of time on others and taking care of them, kids, friends, spouses, families etc and we don’t think much of it but we have been programmed by society to feel that self-care is indulgent and selfish.  I listen to people a great deal and when people do provide themselves with excellent self-care we hear lots of talk that may not always be positive.  “Did you know she left her kids for the whole week to go to a retreat”?  “She gets a massage every week”.  Often these messages have an undertone that is more of “man- I am jealous” than “she is a bad person”.  However, there are those that find self-care indulgent.  So should this stop us from providing our bodies, mind and souls with the best care possible.  I would hope not,  there are always plenty of other people around to criticize what we do or don’t do. Ultimately, it does not matter what others say or think.  How you feel, how you take care of you and those around you is all that matters.

The plan
My belief is we all deserve to learn (or renew) how to identify what really matters to you, what values you most desire and learn to honor  and to apply that to making all life choices.  You will learn to take care of yourself so you can fully give to your family, friends, work, or other areas of your life.    Taking the time to  dig deep to see what is serving you and what is not serving your higher self.  Identify the values most important to you, those that  will allow you to make changes that will serve your higher good.  If you take some time to see what areas of your life are lacking self care and how to provide that vital care you will feel better and be better.  You will learn to respect your body internally and externally and will improve your health by eating better,  moving more, and honoring what your body needs and wants.  You will take a deep look at your environment and what is taking up valuable space and energy that needs to go and what needs to take priority.  You will find energy and find a renewed passion for life.  You will improve relationships because when you feel better relationships improve authentically and naturally.  You will learn how to go back to your top identified values and keep checking in with that.  Every choice you make you will learn check in with yourself to see if matches your values and serves you in a positive way.  You will be able to identify what you really want, how to ask for help and how to help yourself.   You will learn to live with intention.  Each day will be a new fresh start in which you can set an intention and come back to that throughout the day.  You will learn to be mindful and live in the moment instead of rushing through life without noticing the good stuff that is there.  You will remember that everything you need is within you already and renew ways of accessing what you need.  You will build a support system that nourishes you and you will learn creative outlets that bring you joy and freedom.  You will grow spiritually as you learn to listen to your own intuition, your higher self and what your higher power and the universe is telling you.  Once you feel the relief that REAL self care provides you will make the time to care for yourself the way you deserve.  

Don’t you deserve that?

Inner Goddess Talk

Intuition

Can you think of a time when you received a strong intuition and did not trust it....what went through your head that convinced you to ignore your intuition? Generally we ignore it due to fear of what will happen. We don't want things to change so we don't do anything. These "things" often happen anyway despite our initially ignoring our inner wisdom? 

Inner Goddess talk
Let’s talk more about intuition or our “inner voice”.  How do you know when it is kicking in. Is there a particular area of your body that becomes agitated or tense when your intuition kicks into gear?  Intuition will always answer first. You just have to train yourself to hear it. As you get better at hearing your intuitive voice, you will be able to simply ask yourself questions and be ready for the intuitive first response.  Your intuition is the quickest part of your mind. It knows things that your conscious mind does not. It already has the answer to most important questions before you can finish asking it. The  trick is to listen to it.  The very first answer that pops into your head is your intuitive response. 

What else to pay attention to?
Notice non-verbal responses, such as emotions, physiological responses such as fear, nervousness, and anxiety.  This can often indicates this may be “core issue” that is of great importance.  So why don’t we listen to our inner voice?  When we do that means we will often have to confront something that is difficult to confront.  When the gentle voice in your head says something….the one that doesn’t seem to have any fears we need to listen.  Intuition is a gentle force. The voices of the conscious mind and friends are much more forceful and hard to ignore.  If you “know what to do” then you do it that often means that you won’t get what you want at that time.  

Unknown is scary but…
We all want instant gratification and if we respond to our inner voice that can mean that we don’t get what we want right away.  Haven’t we all stayed in a dysfunctional relationship a lot longer than we wanted to because we didn't want to be alone again. Was there a career opportunity that you passed on because you thought that you really weren't smart or talented enough to succeed? These choices are based on a fear reaction and not knowing.  The unknown is scary so we will stick with the easy and comfortable.   

Want the secret to a good life?

Quotes to live by

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined.
Henry David Thoreau

 Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
Henry David Thoreau

 I have never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will.
Henry David Thoreau

 It takes two to speak the truth: one to speak, and another to hear.
Henry David Thoreau

 The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
Helen Keller

 All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming.
Helen Keller

 I do not want the peace which passeth understanding, I want the understanding which bringeth peace.
Helen Keller

 Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Father Alfred D'Souza

"Always learn with the intent to teach"
Jamie L. Summers Stacks

love and light