Life Lesson by Rumi-

25 life changing lessons everyone can learn from Rumi

Life lesson one

February 18, 2015 we had a super moon/black moon on the same day and my energy was buzzy all day.  I don’t know that buzzy is an actual word but being it is the only way to describe how I felt- I am making it one.  So it was buzzy day- a bit disconcerting but mainly a good sort of buzzy (FYI I don’t drink so don’t mistake it for being buzzed)!   That evening at around 8:30 or 9:00 I ran across a post with a Rumi article.  Well- I have to read that of course.  In case you are not familiar with him please read about who Rumi was.  Wow!  I got to number three of “25 life changing lessons everyone can learn from Rumi” and forced myself to stop.  It was apparent that this was going to be a life changing read for me and I wanted to savor it slowly and really live it.  My first thought was “blog series” so here we go with blog number one.

1-Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion

“You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don’t. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly.” Rumi

We are all born with potential, worth and value.  Yes- I fully agree and so do many other authors, researchers, therapists, yogi’s, healers and teachers I know and trust.  Just last night I watched a self-esteem you tube video of Pia Mellody and in this video I loved the way she defined all aspects of self-esteem.  However, a few points really hit home she stated “self-esteem is a constant and you either have it or you don’t but you can get it if you don’t have it.  She states the differences in people never effect one’s inherent worth- they don’t make you more than or less than anyone else.  Self-esteem is based on the fact you are valuable because you exist -you came here with all the value you need and self-esteem is born from the thought that I matter just as I am”.  I wish everyone who has any doubt that they matter would write in red lipstick on your mirror “I matter, just as I am”.  In one of my latest posts I reference several other articles that agree that we are enough.  We already are, just as we are, enough.  We have wings- how can we learn to use them and fly.  Stop acting so small you are the universe in motion so live and dream and be big and know you are enough

“You sit here for days saying, this is strange business. You’re the strange business. You have the energy of the sun in you, but you keep knotting it up at the base of your spine. You’re some weird kind of gold that wants to stay melted in the furnace, so you won’t have to become coins.”   Rumi    

We do that, don’t we?  We sit around and talk and observe how odd life is.  I have asked that a number of times “isn’t life weird”?  I bet you have too.  Rumi here (in my interpretation) is saying that we have it all- we are the energy, we are of the sun and we can do and be anything we choose to be.  However, we go back to playing small.  We are taught sometimes to play small, be small- we are taught often by others opinions that we are not capable of doing the things we want to do.  We are stopped by fear- fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of not meeting others expectations.  So we allow fear to cause us hold on to all that amazing energy we have and stay small- why?  More important than why is what can we do about it?  Every day people succeed in big ways Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey and many more.  We can do it too- we have it within us.  Yes- you too, you have what you need.

“Why should I stay at the bottom of a well when a strong rope is in my hand?” Rumi

It is easy to get “stuck” and feel like we can’t move, or change jobs, or end relationships or any number of things we want to end or change in some way.  I found this article sums up really well why we often don’t make changes.  Once again- it comes back to fear.  Fear of the unknown, or what may happen or what others may think of us.  Let me share a personal ongoing story of my life- I do a great deal of things. I always have a new project, a new idea, new job option or something that I am in the process of working on, exploring or learning.  I love that about me!  I love to learn and do and be more.  I get a lot of “why are you doing that”?    I also get a great deal of “that is a great idea or I love the way you think outside the box”.  That is how I work- tell me I can’t do something and I will do my best to find a way to prove you wrong.  This can work to my own detriment at times but more often than not it rocks and I find ways to do things that seemed unlikely to be possible.  I get this as well “well- you are stronger than me, I couldn’t do that or you are just different”. Guess what people?  I am not different, I do not possess anything that others do not possess except that I make the choice to go after what I want and need. I take action, I grab the strong rope at the bottom of the well and pull myself up”!   You can too- I promise- no magic powers over here.

 “Become the sky. Take an axe to the prison wall. Escape.” Rumi

Become the sky- what is the sky?  Noun: sky; plural noun: skies the region of the atmosphere and outer space seen from the earth. "Hundreds of stars shining in the sky".  

I like the way that sounds…hundreds of stars…I want to become a star in the sky.  I don’t need to be a famous movie star or other popular traditional type of star, but a star in the sky- that I would like.  How about you?  A shining star sounds like an amazing and awe inspiring experience.

 Escape from yourself- get out of your own way.  Every morning you wake up is another chance for you to do or to be something different. It may be expressing a new idea, developing a new approach, or simply creating another perspective.  You weren’t born knowing how to do everything you do now. You learned without the consideration of limitations.  Bam!  You stopped dreaming and planning and doing! And there lies the problem. Get out of your own way and be big, dream, imagine, accomplish!  Go after what you want!  It’s there for you to claim but you have to do it. 

 “Do you know what you are? You are a manuscript of a divine letter. You are a mirror reflecting a noble face. This universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you are already that.” Rumi

 Take home tip- YOU take this last quote and write a manuscript of a divine letter to YOU!  You take the time in an act of radical self-care to write to you how amazing you are!  I would love it if you would share the entire letter or a part of it in the comments! 

“Do you know what you are? You are a manuscript of a divine letter. You are a mirror reflecting a noble face. This universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; everything that you want, you are already that.” Rumi

R.E.A.L. Self-Care

R.E.A.L. Self-Care

If you read my blog or know me at all then you probably know that I am a big advocate of meditating.  I try to practice what I preach so I meditate.  More importantly, I try to listen to what comes up when I do meditate.  A day or two ago I kept getting a phrase “radical self-care”.  It came up several times during my sitting meditation and the rest of the day it was stuck in my mind.  Ok universe- I am paying attention and it is apparent that I need to do something with this radical self-care idea. 

Listen to the Universe when it talks to you

As I considered the topic I kept coming back to the thought that perhaps I had heard it somewhere else.  I certainly do not want to take credit for someone else’s idea, phrase etc. It just so happened that I was at home due to snow and ice so I spend a good deal of the day researching and looking for a person(s) who may have coined this phrase to find out more about it.    I was unable to find a particular person, place or thing that was directly associated with this so I decided to follow where I was led in my meditation and create some work around this concept.  I am going to start with a blog series and see where it goes.  I am also going to spice up the title a bit as you will see later!  Let’s start this out with a definition of self-care.

What is self-care?

Self-care is what people do for themselves to establish and maintain health, prevent and deal with illness. 

 Self-care by the World Health Organization

 It is a broad concept encompassing:

• hygiene (general and personal)
• nutrition (type and quality of food eaten)
• lifestyle (sporting activities, leisure etc.)
• environmental factors (living conditions, social habits, etc.)
• socioeconomic factors (income level, cultural beliefs, etc.)
• self-medication

My first initial thoughts on what radical self-care is;

• 8-9 hours of sleep a night

• Eating only whole foods

• Exercise daily

• Daily yoga and mediation

• Read daily

• Time alone

• Time outside in nature

• Creative time

• Massage

• Therapy

• Free quality time with family

• Putting my needs first (or way close to first)

• Lots of hot nurturing tea

• Essential oils

• Crystals

Ok, so the World Health Organization definition is indeed broad and varies widely. My initial thoughts are all fairly holistically focused.  I wanted to know more about what others thought.   I did a very unofficial survey using social media (Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter).  I got many repeating answers which I combined into the following;

• Time

• Massage

• Journal

• Meditate

• Affordable and convenient diet high in whole grains, fresh fruit, and lean meat simply prepared including wonderful teas and Greek yogurt.

Just for fun I did another unofficial survey of private Facebook pages for psychotherapists or others in similar professions asking what they did for self-care daily.   Love the responses I got and they will be in a post all their own.    Even a variety of articles I read prioritized self-care check out number one, it can even be vital,  and self compassion as defined by Kristen Neff certainly falls under self-care in my opinion.

 So look for more on my new Radical, Essential, Amazing, Life changing self-care or R.E.A.L. Self-Care.  I deserve it, don’t you?

Take away tip-what do you do daily for self-care?  What would you do if time and money were not an issue?  Have fun with the idea- go nuts- go big time and see what it would be like to nurture YOU.

Be you...wonderful, beautiful YOU

Welcome back- I hope that this day finds you well.  I am sure that you all like me have some days that are better than others.  Do you ever stop to think about why?  There is the obvious that we sometimes feel better than others, things go our way more some days than others and so forth.  

Authenticity

There is more to it than that though.  I find days when I am able to show up and be authentic, be me and be real it is a better day. “Authenticity is actually a collection of choices, choices that we make every day. It's the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen” by Brene' Brown.  Those days when I am not overwhelmed by the thoughts and feelings that I have to do and be more than I am, I feel better, I am better.  These feelings of not enough and needing to do more are generally self-imposed by many of us. 

Can you relate to that?  

We all do so much, we push to achieve, search for more and go after more.  Most days I am all about more and want to do and be more.  However there some days it feels like it is too much.  Those are days that I wonder why I push myself to go and search and create more when I am already enough.  You are already enough.  I believe as the previous article says we already have it all.  I know wholeheartedly that what you need is already there within you and that all you have to do is learn how to access it.   Do you ever feel that urgency to do too much?  I do, it is a struggle for me to keep the balance between achieving and succeeding and pushing for too much.  It is this, this need to take on everything and prove I can do it all at times that led me to reach out for a  solution, a something to help calm the monkey’s that jump around in my head that led me to yoga and mindfulness and meditation.  The relief and calmness that these practices can give me when I practice them now leads me to want to spread the practice.  If these practices can help the monkeys pouncing in my brain and in my head pass out then they can help you too.  This is why my mission is to share these ideas and if I can teach a few people and they teach a few people and so forth…we spread the wealth in so many ways.

Climb off the hamster wheel

Do you every feel like a hamster on a wheel running and running and never getting anywhere?  Mindfulness can help you down off the wheel.  The ability to learn to observe, without judging what is then you obtain the power of slowing down and learning slowly to just be and that you are enough.   We do not have to react to everything that happens. We do not have to get involved in stories that are not our own.  We do not have to be superman or wonder woman.  We just have to be ourselves and in fact that is the only thing we can be.  We owe it to ourselves to be the best version of us and to realize that some days the best version of us is tired and that is perfectly acceptable.  We can learn to love our perfectly imperfect selves as we are.  I will leave you with a lyric from song by Pink “I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes”. I love that line and it is a truth in life I find that keeps me strong.

Take away tip - I invite you to listen to you, listen to the answer to the question that is already there within you.  Listen to how to be authentic and real and show up every day and honor who you are.  Embrace the perfect imperfect person you are and “learn to be brave in your beautiful mistakes”.

Reach for the stars

Sometimes we have a dream or a passion that seems impossible to fulfill.  It seems out of our reach, we feel undeserving or not “good enough” but guess what?  We are!  We are enough and we are deserving every single time.

I love to teach, reach and do and search for new ideas and ways to approach life.  This year is huge year for me as I dubbed it “the year of more” and indeed I am making it the year of MORE. 

I have a great deal of change going on in my professional life and so naturally that impacts my personal life.  I have a great deal of “stuff” in my personal life so naturally that impacts my professional life.  What I have finally figured out is that is okay.  It is more than okay- what happens to me in every aspect of my being and experience are exchanges that play off of other exchanges and it’s all me and my experience.  This is an amazing realization that I can be and meditate and ask for what I need.  I can be and meditate and ask on behalf of others for what they need.  The trick is that I cannot decide what others need…I can only ask for wellbeing on their behalf and do my part in assisting but not enabling them.  It is an awesome feeling of freedom to know that I don’t have to, get to or have any say in what others need.  I focus on doing the next right thing and then the next right thing and so forth.

I meditate and search for the right movement and truth in my life and the rest figures itself out all by itself without my help!  How amazingJ.   The following is a post from social media and the entire reason I began this post was to share this exciting news….so it is.

YAY!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED. A goal of mine this year is to create in my practice a library of books that I can use in sessions but also give freely to clients. As much as I would like to, I can't afford to buy all the books I would like to for my client's. A few months ago I began contacting publishers and such to request donations and just go an email that a shipment of Pema Chödrön books will be coming in from the Pema Chödrön Foundation! Super psyched! Earlier Elly Taylor author of Becoming US was generous enough to donate as well. I'm on my way!!!

You can be more as well.  I would be honored to help you become authentically you as it is a part of my soul journey to help and heal.

In a shameless effort to continue to fill my client library if you are an author/publisher or know one I am happily taking donations for my client library- I have two offices in Arkansas and will have them both stocked before the end of the year and the sooner the better.  Thank you!

love and light

Jamie

Mindfulness in process

Mindfulness- I am being mindful right here, right now as I type this. 

Mindful listening- sounds I hear include the water from the pump on the fish tank, puppy nails clicking on the hardwood floor, the click clack of the keyboard, a bark from the back of the house, the fan clicking on.   I hear a crunch when I take a bite of the dry cereal I am munching on.

Mindful feeling- I feel the keyboard on my fingertips and wrists as I type, I am aware of the weight of the boot and wrap on my left foot that is injured, the feel of the leather couch on my back and legs, the feel of my good leg wrapped under a soft blanket, the cool water when I take a drink and the slight sticky feel of the cereal as I pick it up.

Mindful seeing-I look around and see the TV, the furniture, a few pups, my set up that is surround me including my computer, my book, my headphone, my phone, a coffee cup, the door and the darkness outside.  My walker that is my best friend in getting around right now.  A dollhouse, a bookshelf filled with books and other odds and ends.

Mindfulness- being here and now and being aware.  It doesn’t have to be good or bad, it just is. 

Take away tip- what do you hear, see and feel?  How is the experience of noticing and observing, make notes in your journal if you are keeping one?   I invite you to try this simple practice throughout your day and see what kind of difference it makes in your life.

Breathe in and Breathe out

I want to get back to some basics today.  The intent of this blog is to share my passion for mindfulness, meditation, yoga and other body –mind- spirit practices.  I get off track sometimes.  

Let’s talk some meditation 101 – we discussed creating a sacred container and making a space yours.  I hope that you have had some success with this and if you have not I invite you to go back and read that post again and locate a place for you!  

I find it very important to show studies and proof that these practices work for those who need the science back up but today it’s just me writing my experiences.  How to meditate?  I suggest in my therapy practice all the time that clients take up a yoga or mindfulness practice, I suggest and practice deep breathing and urge people to take the information home and make it their own.  The most common response I get it is “I don’t know how to meditate, I can’t do that my thoughts won’t go away”.  Guess what?  Your thoughts won’t go away and there is no right or wrong way to meditate.  Let’s talk about a simple practice to start with.  Grab a friend or partner and take turns reading the script below for a simple but powerful meditation.

Find a place to sit or lay or just get comfortable.  Settle in and shake out your arms and then legs and find a comfy position.  I suggest that you can have your arms at your sides or gently in your lap with palms up or down.  Palms up seems to be effective when you are in an allowing or accepting state and want to draw in what the universe has to offer.  When you are feeling a bit lost or flighty then palms down may be more grounding.   You can place your palms down on your legs or on the floor or chair.  No right or wrong way just what resonates with you right now today.  Closing your eyes might feel good or it might not.  If closing your eyes is uncomfortable then try an easy gaze downward.  Start with just noticing the breathe and how it feels moving in and out.  Breathe in through your nose and out through your nose allowing each breath to be slow and deep.  Feel your belly rise with the in breath and sink back to normal with the out breath.  Inhale slowly and deeply with a slight pause at the end of the inhale and then exhale slowly taking as long or even a second or two longer to exhale letting all of the stale air out and then inhaling slowing bringing in fresh air.  Continue breathing slowly and deeply and notice the feelings it brings up.  When thoughts come up and they will try noticing the thought and gently send it away.  This is a practice of non judgement and so try not judging your thoughts but just observing them.  You can send them away by gently watching them float on.  You may find it helpful to visualize them going away in a puff of smoke or tossing them into a river and watching the ripple it makes as it moves along.  Come back to your breath, use your breath as your anchor and allow it to pull you back to just observing.  Breathing in slowly and out slowly and deeply.  Breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your nose allowing in all the fresh new air.  Continue for 10 or 20 minutes or start out with only 5 minutes working your way up to longer if this is a new practice.  If is helpful to practice daily so you will be able to easier access the calm state that you can get from the meditation.  Finding a sacred container and allowing yourself this time to just be can be invaluable and will improve your quality of life is so many ways. Practicing most days of the week provides the most benefit but anytime you can practice is a positive thing.

Honor yourself and your feelings and make the practice your own.  

The above is a simple breathing meditation.  We will talk about some other ways to practice on future posts and remember you can’t do this wrong.  There is no wrong way to honor yourself and your time.  Coming soon a video post with a live guided meditation to help you along.  Happy practicing until then.

Take away tip- Follow the above script 4- 5 times this week, record your mood and feelings before and after the practice and see if you start to notice a pattern. In my upcoming meditation challenge I have worksheets to record your observations on and these will also include “mindful mini’s”  which are quick easy ideas to implement mindfulness throughout your entire day.  

love and light

Jamie

Shenpa

I have been experiencing shenpa.  Ever heard of shenpa?  I had not until several years ago but boy did I know the feeling of shenpa. 

      By Pema Chodron (Mar 14, 2005) “Someone criticizes you. They criticize your work or your appearance or your child. At moments like that, what is it you feel? It has a familiar taste in your mouth, it has a familiar smell. Once you begin to notice it, you feel like this experience has been happening forever. The Tibetan word for this is Shenpa. It is usually translated as "attachment," but a more descriptive translation might be "hooked." When shenpa hooks us, we're likely to get stuck. We could call shenpa "that sticky feeling." It's an everyday experience - See more at: http://www.awakin.org/read/view.php?tid=385#sthash.1EwwI7My.dpuf  .

I read and study and preach mindfulness and peace and such and it is because I really know it to be helpful.  I also know it to be helpful only when I am practicing it.  When I am in the experience of shenpa, the experience of being stuck and hooked then I am not practicing mindfulness.  I can talk it but I’m not walking it.   However, as soon as I notice and become aware that I am hooked or in shenpa phase then I am beginning to practice mindfulness again.  It is that simple and that difficult all at the same time.  The act of noticing I am stuck brings me back to the here and now and starts the process of “unsticking me”.   Pema Chodron talks in the paragraph above of the hooked feeling of shenpa when others are criticizing you and you feel “not enough”.  I invite you to explore that sometimes it is our own critical voice in our own head that gets us hooked.  This is true more often than not when I get hooked or stuck.  It is generally that there is “more” that I must do and that it is not ok to stop and just be.  Are you starting to see why I study and preach mindfulness, meditation, yoga and all other sorts of integrative body based practices.  It is a study that began entirely to ease my anxieties and fears of not being “enough”, self imposed expectations that are not reasonable.  When I began to study these ideas of just being, of not living in the future and the what if’s it was a revelation of a new beginning for me.  However, the study itself has the power of “hooking” me but when I notice it I can release that hook. 

I have to unhook me and come out of the shenpa experience and back into the mindful moment and come back to the fact that now is enough.  Now is all there is and the other stuff will get done or it won’t get done but either way it will all be ok.  Shenpa attempts and sometimes succeeds at getting the best of me but the more I notice it, the less power it has.

So I release the urgency to do and do and do once more and come back to the fact that I am a human being, not a human doing and I need to just be.  Just be, just be, just be.

Take away tip- Just be, everyday just be.  Become aware of when you are being hooked and experiencing shenpa and notice it without judging it just notice it and then just be. 

love and light

Jamie

My Mind blowing 2015 Manifesto of More

This post was inspired by Alexandra Franzen's 5 ways to write a blow your mind manifesto template.  To download the template and read the original inspiration click links below post. 

http://www.alexandrafranzen.com

My Mind blowing 2015 Manifesto of More

I believe
in love, in helping, in being present, in being kind, in sleeping enough, in honesty, in trusting yourself and others, that there is good in everyone. that it is ok to mess up just don't keep making the same mistakes, cuddling, in being passionate about your work, in putting family first, in eating chocolate and drinking coffee

I want to live in a world where
everyone is kind, we all help each other, people are happy, healthy and safe, where my daughter is always safe, there is enough rain for the trees and flowers but plenty of sunshine, everyone fits in somewhere and they are able to find that place, addiction issues are non issues, we are honest with each other and ourselves, we take care of ourselves and it is not seen as selfish, we treat our bodies as temples

Here's what I know for sure
I can't change other people, I can change me if i learn to think differently, I can help some people but only those who want help and not all of them, there is plenty of love to go around- I don't have a limited supply but I do have a limited supply of time and energy and I have to continually learn how I most want to spend it.  I can be kind even if other people are not, it is ok to say how I feel but I should be respectful, if we do something for others it should not carry a condition that they now owe us.  It is hard to ask for help and it is also necessary, numbing or changing feelings doesn't work out very well in the end.  I am not superwoman and it is arrogant of me to assume I know what is best for other adults in my life.  stating truths without apologies is one of the best things I have ever learned, I must always keep learning to be content

Always wear sunscreen
If you know something is painful don't keep doing it, don't try to change others or assume they will do what you think is best.  Drugs and drinking are never the answer but they always complicate the problem, learn to be alone and happy, doing what others want you to do is not always the best choice for you no matter what their intentions are.

The Micro Manifesto
Know and trust yourself, be kind and always learn with the intent to teach.